Happy Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving my daughter and I did something different. We had dinner by ourselves at a Pub. They had a pretty good spread and I was actually hungry after a week of trying to starve myself. I had been having anxiety all week regarding the dreaded Thanksgiving dinner. That must be the worst holiday of all for someone with an eating disorder.So. I ate. I wouldn't say I overly stuffed myself I ate until I was a twinge, uncomfortably full and trotted off to the bathroom to purge (not caring if anyone was around to hear me or not). I immediately felt better physically and mentally and then my daughter and I headed off to the dessert buffet they had loading a huge plate of almost every dessert they had to "sample". Instead of eating the whole entire plate we took a bite or two of everything that was on it. Again, I immediately felt sick and went to the bathroom to purge again. I felt better almost instantly and actually pleased with myself for ridding the food from my body and there was no blood.
Unfortunately, a couple of days later my throat began to hurt pretty badly. I have flipped the other way and have been trying not to eat. My goal is to gradually cut down my calories on a day by day basis until I am only eating 200 or 300 a day if any at all. I don't want to purge anymore as it is taking a huge toll on my throat. It does scare me when I throw up blood because I know I can be doing a lot of damage. I think trying to eat as little as possible is the safer bet and I hope to continue on not eating through the holidays and then really stick to it all year long.
Labels: eating disorders; bulimia; anorexia; dieting, thanksgiving

